I’m being ripped apart by the dichotomy of my brain. The left and right hemispheres, the duality of humanity.
Everything comes in twos â€" Good / Evil, Happy / Sad, Left / Right, Past / Future, etc.
My upbringing tells me I can only be successful with a good job and a family and loving wife and mortgage, but my real self tells me I don’t actually want that. But inside my raging brain-sac both fight for truth.
I don’t want a safe career and a woman cooking me dinner when I get home with my umbrella and top hat, kiss the kids, wash my hands, sit down to dinner 50’s style. But neither am I happy drinking myself to death and being single. I feel the answer is to go abroad to teach English in some remote South American village in the secret hope I get kidnapped by Coke gangs and suddenly the responsibility is out of my hands. There’s an equal part of me that wants to have a wife and kids and commit even though I know deep down it will send me slowly, surely, quietly, insane.
Moreover it’s the indecision to jump one way or the other that’s really slowly killing me. I can’t take a stand. I can’t commit and live. So I remain in this alcoholic half life of dreamy remembering of the past and fake hope in the future.
Help.
Read more: How to get over my divided self?
