How to leave my abusive relationship?

Sorry this is going to be long, I hoping to get some advice, right now I'm in a terrible state.

I've been with my partner for 3 years and have a 1 year old son. He has always been emotionally abusive and sometimes physically. When he gets angry he flies off the handle telling me to just go he don't care etc. When he calms down he takes back what he says. I'm always on the edge of my seat waiting for him to start punching walls, kicking doors or even me!

I've been feeling unhappy for ages, I feel i have no other choice but to stay, he has the mortgage in his name, I don't work enough hours to support us… He works all the hours. If I left I could go back to my mums but I know id be so unhappy there… Feeling in the way with my child.

I love him. I truly do and deep down he is a good man, he provides and on a good day he's lovely. I can't handle the thought of him going with another woman if I was to leave.

I just can't find the strength to get up and go, with all the nasty things he says I feel like saying screw it I'm leaving… But then I think about it and can't pluck up the courage!

Right now he's gone to the pub, leaving me to bath the baby, put him to bed and clear up after. He doesn't go out often and says I suffocate him… When he gets drunk he gets out of control, not abusively but can't handle his drink! Gets way to drunk, becomes and massive flirt and disrespects me!

Please I need some advice, I'm so stuck on what to do.

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