How to deal with emtionally detached ex and how can I get her to open up? And save my family?

Together 10 years 3 beautiful kids, but I sufferd with depression mainly due to drug use for last 3 years. We separated 15 month ago as situation drove her close to breakdown. I was distraught still am but I've sorted myself carried on workin and even got in fire service part time, my dream job! I've helped all I can financially and changed so much, but when I try to talk about emtions as I've had no closure she shuts down, I can see the hurt in her eyes, she admits I'm better than man she fell for but says she's different but don't no y. She's havin a lot of tattoos done and at times neglects bills and mortgage but I offer help she say she fine. We get in well but she can b inconsistent, when I leave I get a nice squeeze and peck n we hold each other for a while.our kids still don't no they think I'm away workin but very day I speak to them on phone and see them everyday off and we are going Florida next year with my family and she agreed to go for the kids. Her friends and family say she's changed alot harder and stubborn. I've not had any physical contact since we parted as I still love her and feel so guilty about bringing us to this point. But the emtional shut out is scarey I wouldn't say she's out of control but she does say she's guna b selfish for a change n do wot she wants! She also says she don't want another man just to b in her own! I try to b nice as poss but at times it feels like its nothing then at times it does! I just want to noif I could bring this back!

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